Tag Archives: Truth

The Right Words to Say

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“We never say so much when we do not quite know what we want to say. We need few words when we have something to say, but all the words in all the dictionaries will not suffice when we have nothing to say and want to desperately to say it.”  – Eric Hoffer

It has been over a month since I have written a blog post, and I very much relate to Hoffer’s quote.  I had nothing to say, and many times I tried to put words together, but I couldn’t formulate sentences. I attempted and have several posts, started and unfinished. And each time, I felt more and more unsatisfied.

Maybe I am emotional, or maybe I just lacked the words.

But as I look over the posts that I tried to write, there is an underlying theme:

FAMILY

Often when people obsess over something…. it is because they lack it. Is this not where desire comes from? The lack of it. Now, if you know me personally, I do not lack family. It’s quite the opposite. I have more family then I can deal with it. But they are very far away from me and I miss them very much. But I appreciate them for giving me the tools to spread my wings, to be able to be here, far from them.  But sometimes, it’s just not enough.

Maybe I am emotional, or maybe I just lacked the words.

But that’s not it, I am always emotional.

I am avoiding the issues, trying to move around problems, and push forward. But I cannot push forward till I deal with what I am lacking. That’s kind of how I feel about American politics right now. It doesn’t matter that we live in the same country, want the best for our friends and families, our interconnectedness no longer matters to the people in charge nor the ones running for office and trying to be in charge.

Now, nowhere does it say that America is supposed to be like a family, but that’s exactly what it feels like. Some of the most broken relationships come from things that happen right in the family.

Abuse, divorce, theft, and death.

We do things to our family members sometimes that we would never to do a complete stranger, because it’s not appropriate. And it’s so unfortunate. And based on our experiences in our family or the way we are brought up, these experiences affect our views on the most pressing issues in America right now.

  • Immigration.
  • Social Security.
  • Abortion.
  • Gun Control.
  • Race Relations (especially with the police)

So back to my family….

I have been very fortunate to have only lost a cousin in the 29 years of my life. I have mentioned this before, mostly because I think of my namesake, with whom I have never met, and as much as I would give anything to meet her, I didn’t lose her. But I have two grandparents, who have been a part of my life since the day I was born. I was always special to them as I am their only granddaughter and that works out perfectly for me.

However, my grandmother has stage 4 ovarian and colon cancer, and my grandfather who is in perfect physical shape, has been diagnosed with early stages of dementia. They have been married for over 60 years, and I love them very much, and blessed to have them in my life. Growing up with your grandparents, you think the world of them for so long. Then as you get older and become an adult, things are never as rosy as you think, because you learn that they are human. But I appreciate that lesson, because as you make mistakes, and you learn the mistakes of your parents or your grandparents, it makes overcoming your mistakes easier. Because if they fell down, and got back up, made poor decisions, and learned to make better ones, so can you.

So now, as one’s physical body slowly fades, and the other, is mentally fading, they are constantly on my mind. Talking to them, visiting with them, is harder each and every time, and more and more, our convos are shorter, not because I don’t want to stay on the phone longer. But they just can’t. It is a good day when our conversations last a whole 5 minutes, but they rarely do. And when they do, it’s mostly my grandmother telling me (at the ripe age of 29), to not rush into marriage. Yes, the woman who’s been married for over 60 years. Either way, I have learned that in the past we used to talk a lot, but now we say very little, but it means the world, because the only thing that needs to be said is that we love each other.

Now this brings me back to the issues that are being discussed over and over.

We do so much talking. Presidential Candidates are doing

so

much

 talking.

But when you hit the nail on the head, it doesn’t take much. The few lines from the presidential debates that seem to stick with you, feel like zingers, such as, “no one gives a damn” about Hilary’s email. But in all seriousness, you’re not saying much when you have to repeat yourself over and over. I tried to find the number of  speeches Trump has given about immigration, but I couldn’t find the exact number. What I did find were articles that highlight that Trump’s focus on immigration is a good thing. Prior to him zeroing in on it, very few republicans were willing to have conversations about immigration. (source) . If this is true, maybe something positive can truly come out of a negative. Except the words we say matter, what we say matters.

To me, a debate over two hours is exhausting, or I walk away from long speeches feeling like little is said. It is less about the words that you say, it’s more about what is being said as it is with my grandparents. And this is coming from a bona fide motor mouth. Growing up, I hated awkward silences, or people who said few words. As I have gotten older, I’ve learned the importance of saying the right words and listening to the words that are being said to you. It is one of the best, and most difficult, lessons that I have ever learned. Maybe with less words, and more meaning, we can have better conversations, but we have to all give it a try. And there are probably some people who are out there not saying quite enough. But I talk about that a lot, standing firm, expressing yourself, and even chasing waterfalls. Today, I am saying take a moment to think about what you have to say, share, or joke about. I have thought about this post for a very long time, and it took several attempts to find my truth to share. What I found is that owning your truth doesn’t always involve a litany of words, because sometimes it can be said in a few short words. But you must find the right words to say.

M/P

The Reality of Truth In America: A Story About Donald Trump and N.W.A.

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“In matters of truth and justice, there is no difference between large and small problems, for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same.” –Albert Einstein


What I am about to say may seem a little outlandish. You might think that I am a little crazy. But like the Black Eye Peas, “I got a Feeling”.  There’s this movie out, I don’t know if you heard of it … “Straight Outta of Compton.” And then there’s this actor running for President – Yes, I am referring to Donald Trump. And I see a connection, a similarity… in who they were, and who he is now, and why we just can’t get enough.

Americans, and others, love “the truth”. Straight talking in your face, not caring about the consequences.

* enters N.W.A. and Donald Trump hand in hand*

We loved/love them for their honesty, their bluntness but yet, they have/had their fair share of haters. There are people who disagree with their honesty, and then there are others who would just like them to “tone” it down a bit. But what they both have in common is their comments, lyircs or words about women that are derogatory. Yes… I am taking it there, but hear me out, this is not what it seems.

Filmaker Ava Duvernay expressed her feelings about hip hop so eloquently in 140 characters.

Ava

When you think of N.W.A and other Rap/Hip-Hop artists, as a woman, you can’t help but cringe at some of the lyrics. The honesty that they bring comes with an asterisk when it comes to women for a lot of people. When asked about their lyrics in response to say “F*ck the Police”, they explain that they are exercising their 1st Amendment right and shout from the hilltops that political correctness takes away from the stories they are telling about what’s going on in their communities. But in terms of women, what is the explanation for that? We have the right to talk about women any way we want. Well, that’s what they did and artists still do today.And Donald Trump, in 2015, still going at it strongly dissing women when he can.

Now, Dr. Dre and Ice Cube have kind of changed their tune, and don’t say degrading things about women for the most part (to be discussed later).  And to be honest, now, most people equate Ice Cube to a family actor who is always playing the sensible guy. I mean have you seen Ride Along.  And let’s not forget Dr. Dre’s physically abusive nature towards women from his past. Now, the members of N.W. A. are all grown up and might not talk or do what they used to, but we have new rappers who follow in their footsteps. We see time and time again, that people have no problem saying demeaning things to just about anybody, and we eat it up like cake as long as it’s not about us or offending us.

So here’s the question: Can we handle the truth, and if it is someone else’s truth, should we “handle” it ? Does being in the spotlight have any effect on what you are free to say? Do we really believe in Freedom of Speech as a Nation, and should we?

So I went on a little research expedition about Donald’s inappropriate language, I’m refraining from posting any of that garbage on my site, but here’s at least one link that identifies a few of his comments

Now, some of the comments in the article aren’t that bad, some of them are disgusting. Implying that Megyn Kelly was menstruating  i.e. she was emotional is equivalent to Hilary crying back in the 2008’s primary election. People said this happened cause she’s a woman. Really? Now my friends, those examples aren’t shit. It’s offensive, yes, but let’s not get distracted. Donald’s is offensive when he refers to women sexually or inappropriately but everything people are up in arms about isn’t offensive.  But the reality,  he’s running for President. So is he offensive, because he’s running for President, or because he’s just offensive. One of his supporters, now former, said it best at the end of the above article, “I wouldn’t want my daughter around him”, but would you really want Bill Clinton? (I’m just saying)

I am not at all condoning Trump’s commentary, look back two weeks ago here, I was pissed at him for talking about John McCain, because it was insensitive and un-American. But in some way American, right? This is my 4th post about Freedom of Speech. So you know, it’s something I care about. When we talk about limits and all that and its purpose, and why we should be thankful for it, you can look there and there for those conversations.

My point today America…. Stop picking and choosing the truth that you want to hear, truth should be all encompassing.  

So you have to take the whole person and their truth, not in parts. Can you love N.W.A. for coming out against the Police and shame them for their lyrics about women? You can but to me, it’s the same as an holier than though anti-gay preacher who hires gay men for sex. Like WHET! But here’s the point. Why do we continue to reward people for the things we like and shame them for the things that we don’t. You either love them for all of who they are, or you don’t. We cannot cherry pick the truth. As much as I or you would want to. If you know me, you know who my favorite actor is, and I watched that Clear Project crap, and cried every night for a week, okay maybe not every night or at all, but I love Tom Cruise, jumping on couches and all. So I guess what I am saying is just own it and stop apologizing, which brings us full circle as to why Trump is winning in the polls, winning in America with  his offensive talking points and language.  Trump isn’t apologizing for what he’s saying. It is HIS truth and he’s OWNING IT. There are not enough people doing just that.

In terms of N.W.A., I am not condoning the vile words or actions of abuse, but you cannot separate them. Those young men were born in situations of abuse where they saw it day in and out against women. When they raised themselves out of that environment, and knew better, they did better. This is not the case for all men. It’s not about whether Dr. Dre has or hasn’t really changed. In his new album, Compton, he might not be as bad, but he doesn’t do any favors for women, as mentioned so eloquently in this article. Even if slight, there are still a couple of hints of mistreatment of women. He could use his position to highlight the difficulty of being a black man, and how we unfortunately use violence against our women and children because of the struggle, but that wouldn’t be his truth. So let’s stop making excuses for him.  And that’s what this is really all about. You can yell and scream, inappropriate and vile, all you want, but the biggest problem is not believing people when they tell us who they are. So like I said, I am all for unabashed truth, even if it hurts, because it’s better knowing than not, but that means the rest of America needs to catch up with the truth that’s being spit right to them.

If what Trump is saying is resonating with so many Americans, what is the real problem, and who is going to fix it. Because if we don’t, Trump is going to be elected and he will have the opportunity to do so. My advice to the other candidates on both sides of the aisle, attack him until your truth is a better solution. Otherwise, his truth will continue to reign, and he happens to live in a country that will allow him to do so. Maybe everyone should take the same approach and exercise their freedom of speech as Trump has.

Don’t hate the player, hate the game, and starting learning how to play.

M/P

Let’s Talk about Fight Club (and break all the rules)

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“First rule of Fight Club is — you do not talk about Fight Club.”

I have kind of been on a motivational and inspirational kick lately on Missing / Perspective. Sometimes inspirational topics come from a place of frustration or an obstacle that I’ve experienced and want to share my story. But if I was honest with myself, that’s not the real reason. #truthmoment  The TRUTH is that I am of two minds a lot of the time. What do I mean? I want to talk about the serious, intense and contested topics of our time, but more times than not, I can’t take a position.  I see both sides to some degree and I slightly sound like a crazy person. How can you like and dislike something at the same damn time. How can my mind have two thoughts that are completely and utterly opposite of each other? But it happens all the time, doesn’t it? Not just in my writing, but its happen in areas all over our life.  One the songs from favorite artist, Nikka Costa, so brilliantly sings  “My soul wants to go one way, but my heart and mind in a tug of war with me baby”. When we are struggling with tough topics or areas in our life,  it is almost innate in us to have a double mind and not make up our mind, but rather vacillate in between both.  But it shouldn’t be… we have to be of one mind, or we will go crazy.

So it makes perfect sense that one of the iconic movies of our generation is none other than “Fight Club” which premiered in the late in 1999 right before the new millennium. (and Yes, I know it is was a book first) If you haven’t seen the movie Fight Club, (Please go watch it, but continuing reading first), but  throughout the movie, we think that Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are two different people when in fact they are the same person, there are hints along the way that make you question some of the actions and behavior, and it doesn’t become clearer until later. I was 13 or 14 when I saw this movie and it resonated with me as much as it does today.

We can all be of two minds, this idea of double mindedness. But even more importantly, is to understand that Edward Norton, the Narrator, created Brad Pitt’s character, Tyler Durden, from his subconscious. Why? Because he hated his life, and created an alter-ego that was everything that he was not, and at first he was enamored by Tyler Durden, but eventually, and by the end of the movie, he knew he had to get rid of him even after he realizes the he was Tyler Durden.  Ultimately, the Narrator shoots himself through his jaw/back of the head to “kill” his alter ego.

I loved this movie as a young teenager, and I thought I was cool, cause I “got” it. But, oh, how I was wrong. As an adult, I understand the one of the movie’s concepts so clearly (or this is how I am perceiving it). This idea of being discontent, and not really knowing what to change or how to change it, but you know you want to change your mind! And in this case, the Narrator’s subconscious made the decision that he had to step in.

We have discontentment because, we are:

Scared of risks

Regret of wrong choices

 Fear of what’s next

So we choose love: Monotony

So when I think of the famous tagline from the movie, “First rule of Fight Club is — you do not talk about Fight Club” for all intents and purpose this a rule for a club about fighting, but I see so much more in this. Tyler was telling the Narrator to not talk about his dirty little secret. To not talk about the discontentment or all the things that he was unhappy about. See Tyler wanted to remain alive, keep the double mindedness going on inside. But the Narrator was just discontent, the best approach is  to face your issues, fears, or threats head on, not to ignore them and create a path around it, because guess what, your life will come back to it. Although the movie ends soon after the Narrator kills Tyler, you wonder what he does with his life. We will never know, but you can take a minute to think about things you are double-minded about:

  1. Choose a Side – Life is constantly changing, but you can’t be in two worlds. It’s true that the person you are today will change and that’s okay! But embrace your changes and move on. Don’t try to live in the past and the future. You must choose to be the same, or choose to change.
  2. Live like you have no regrets! (But of course you will have them) – After a mistake is made, learn from it. What do I mean? (More in depth discussion  here)
  3. Your external influences matter (i.e. Friends)- Duh? Right. Choosing your friends wisely is so important. The people who are around you have no choice, but have some effect on you even if you think that they won’t. But if you have people around you that are not in alignment with your core, you may start having a double mind. Don’t fool yourself into think you’re immune.

The reality, if you don’t choose who are, and define yourself, you’ll look back at a life you halfway lived. Take the reigns and live all of it. I am going to do my part to. I have to get back to sharing the Missing /Perspective or no one else will. I am right here with you. Another popular quote from the movie is, “How much can you know about yourself, if you never have been in a fight?” It’s time to have a little fight from within, and choose a winner! Make a choice, who are you going to be?

M/P

Matthew 6:24, “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other.”