Missing Perspective

“We never say so much when we do not quite know what we want to say. We need few words when we have something to say, but all the words in all the dictionaries will not suffice when we have nothing to say and want to desperately to say it.”  – Eric Hoffer

It has been over a month since I have written a blog post, and I very much relate to Hoffer’s quote.  I had nothing to say, and many times I tried to put words together, but I couldn’t formulate sentences. I attempted and have several posts, started and unfinished. And each time, I felt more and more unsatisfied.

Maybe I am emotional, or maybe I just lacked the words.

But as I look over the posts that I tried to write, there is an underlying theme:

FAMILY

Often when people obsess over something…. it is because they lack it. Is this not where desire comes from? The lack of it. Now, if you know me personally, I do not lack family. It’s quite the opposite. I have more family then I can deal with it. But they are very far away from me and I miss them very much. But I appreciate them for giving me the tools to spread my wings, to be able to be here, far from them.  But sometimes, it’s just not enough.

Maybe I am emotional, or maybe I just lacked the words.

But that’s not it, I am always emotional.

I am avoiding the issues, trying to move around problems, and push forward. But I cannot push forward till I deal with what I am lacking. That’s kind of how I feel about American politics right now. It doesn’t matter that we live in the same country, want the best for our friends and families, our interconnectedness no longer matters to the people in charge nor the ones running for office and trying to be in charge.

Now, nowhere does it say that America is supposed to be like a family, but that’s exactly what it feels like. Some of the most broken relationships come from things that happen right in the family.

Abuse, divorce, theft, and death.

We do things to our family members sometimes that we would never to do a complete stranger, because it’s not appropriate. And it’s so unfortunate. And based on our experiences in our family or the way we are brought up, these experiences affect our views on the most pressing issues in America right now.

• Immigration.
• Social Security.
• Abortion.
• Gun Control.
• Race Relations (especially with the police)

So back to my family….

I have been very fortunate to have only lost a cousin in the 29 years of my life. I have mentioned this before, mostly because I think of my namesake, with whom I have never met, and as much as I would give anything to meet her, I didn’t lose her. But I have two grandparents, who have been a part of my life since the day I was born. I was always special to them as I am their only granddaughter and that works out perfectly for me.

However, my grandmother has stage 4 ovarian and colon cancer, and my grandfather who is in perfect physical shape, has been diagnosed with early stages of dementia. They have been married for over 60 years, and I love them very much, and blessed to have them in my life. Growing up with your grandparents, you think the world of them for so long. Then as you get older and become an adult, things are never as rosy as you think, because you learn that they are human. But I appreciate that lesson, because as you make mistakes, and you learn the mistakes of your parents or your grandparents, it makes overcoming your mistakes easier. Because if they fell down, and got back up, made poor decisions, and learned to make better ones, so can you.

So now, as one’s physical body slowly fades, and the other, is mentally fading, they are constantly on my mind. Talking to them, visiting with them, is harder each and every time, and more and more, our convos are shorter, not because I don’t want to stay on the phone longer. But they just can’t. It is a good day when our conversations last a whole 5 minutes, but they rarely do. And when they do, it’s mostly my grandmother telling me (at the ripe age of 29), to not rush into marriage. Yes, the woman who’s been married for over 60 years. Either way, I have learned that in the past we used to talk a lot, but now we say very little, but it means the world, because the only thing that needs to be said is that we love each other.

Now this brings me back to the issues that are being discussed over and over.

We do so much talking. Presidential Candidates are doing

so

much

 talking.

But when you hit the nail on the head, it doesn’t take much. The few lines from the presidential debates that seem to stick with you, feel like zingers, such as, “no one gives a damn” about Hilary’s email. But in all seriousness, you’re not saying much when you have to repeat yourself over and over. I tried to find the number of  speeches Trump has given about immigration, but I couldn’t find the exact number. What I did find were articles that highlight that Trump’s focus on immigration is a good thing. Prior to him zeroing in on it, very few republicans were willing to have conversations about immigration. (source) . If this is true, maybe something positive can truly come out of a negative. Except the words we say matter, what we say matters.

To me, a debate over two hours is exhausting, or I walk away from long speeches feeling like little is said. It is less about the words that you say, it’s more about what is being said as it is with my grandparents. And this is coming from a bona fide motor mouth. Growing up, I hated awkward silences, or people who said few words. As I have gotten older, I’ve learned the importance of saying the right words and listening to the words that are being said to you. It is one of the best, and most difficult, lessons that I have ever learned. Maybe with less words, and more meaning, we can have better conversations, but we have to all give it a try. And there are probably some people who are out there not saying quite enough. But I talk about that a lot, standing firm, expressing yourself, and even chasing waterfalls. Today, I am saying take a moment to think about what you have to say, share, or joke about. I have thought about this post for a very long time, and it took several attempts to find my truth to share. What I found is that owning your truth doesn’t always involve a litany of words, because sometimes it can be said in a few short words. But you must find the right words to say.

M/P