Tag Archives: Future

You Have Sight, But No Vision

“The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight, but has no vision.” – Helen Keller

Lately, I have been struggling with something in my personal life that seems so obvious, yet, I’m not finding the solution anywhere…. So a wise person said to me, “You have sight, but no vision.” … Rarely, do words cut me to the core so quickly. I am the Queen of rationalizing, and anyone can pretty much give me any critique or criticism and I can turn it on its head to a positive for me or figure out how to be right in almost any particular situation . Yes, this is a defense mechanism, but I’ve learned over the last 6 months to be more introspective especially when receiving advice from wise and caring people. So let’s go back to what they said:

“You have sight, but no vision.”

Now in a textbook Eye Doctor definition, “Eye sight is tested through one’s ability to see images up close and far away” (source“The term “vision” however, encompasses the idea of eyesight but goes a little bit beyond it.  Eye care doctors check to see if the eyes are working in sync” involving things like focus, convergence and depth perception.

So let’s be a little abstract here, when you only have sight about something in your life, you take it at face value, and you just run with it. But what about your heart, your gut or intuition, do you listen? Because sometimes what we “see” in life is based on a misperception or a missed-perception.

So let’s take a moment, and check our vision. What area in your life lacks vision?  How about your future? Is there are a part of your life where you lack vision and your heart, mind, body and soul refuse to work in one accord, practically fighting each other to keep you at a stand still?

I’ve been there. I’m currently stuck in a few areas in my life with no vision, trying to find my way out of a hole.

So can we live if we only see the things in front of us and don’t perceive the deeper layer or what’s in the shadows? Of course, we can, but do you want to? It’s so easy to be fooled by our eyes. We can become so addicted to getting what we want and not realizing there’s more than meets the eye. (Sorry not sorry, pun intended) .

So let me put in some personal context:   

When I started this blog, three years ago, I lacked vision. By pure will and boredom, I wanted to write, figure out social media and numb my senses due to some mistakes I had made that completely changed the trajectory of my life.  Writing gives me a joy that I never thought I’d experience  again after not pursuing my first passion of dance after graduating from my performing arts high school. Writing has basically become my special power that I didn’t know I had nor did I know the role it would play in my life. To be honest, I am still not 100% on what it will look like for the rest of my life,  but sitting here, and twiddling my thumbs, because from what I can SEE, all I have are serious doubts about doing this. No one really likes my blog? What if I offend someone? No one cares, seriously.  Pretty surface level stuff.

I’ve written in several blogs about my apprehension in writing. Am I writing for me, writing for others, and to put it quite frankly, writing for the stats, the views of the general public. Those three things are hard to balance, and I’ve probably only mastered it once on my own personal blog. I usually accomplish it more when I write for someone else.

This is (or was) the first problem.

You can’t find your vision when you’re looking in the wrong place. Even people with the best intentions can fool you, when you’re not creating a vision for yourself, you get lost. Soon after I start blogging, and every time I talked about writing, someone was always asking if I could write for them. Initially, I was flattered, but I was in the midst of finding my vision, I got distracted looking in places that weren’t for me. I wrote some amazing blogs, but I had to get off this train or I would never find my vision.

So I have decided to write for me from here on out. Not that I don’t want others to read and enjoy my work, but I started Missing Perspective to share my point of view. But things began changed. As a social commentary writer, it’s crazy to think about how different America was just three years in the political landscape.

This is (or was) the second problem. Change. Be ready for it. Your vision cannot be expected to live in a vacuum. Our two eyes can catch a lot of action, in the vision for your life, there will be surprises. Life ebbs and flows. As the political landscape changed, something I love to write about, I found myself scared. It feels as if people, for the most part, only try to read and listen to opinions of like minded individuals nowadays. Our country is so divided it seems there are only a few places of common ground when there should be so much more it. So I made excuses about why I couldn’t write this or that, because things have changed, but I wouldn’t enjoy a world where topics were recycled over and over. I wasn’t prepared for change… and preparation is key without it a vision will fizzle and die. 

And of course, the most important piece, and where my biggest growth over the last few months  is focus. If I find myself looking in the right place, seeing the full landscape (depth perception), expecting change… there’s only one step left. The most important step.

To simply focus on the task at hand. To allow yourself to zoom in and zoom out to get just the right picture, to see the full view….. and create your vision.

I am ready…. Are you?

Feel free to share you thoughts below in the comments, or tweet at me here with the #vision

Take the Time and Use a Timeout

Timeout

“The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection.” Thomas Paine

Self- Evaluation

Self-Discovery

Self-Reflection

*yawns*

Are you one of those people who likes reading self-help books? Or the kind of person who takes hours during the week or month to stop and think about how you can do things better or become a better person?

Well, this article might not be for you.

There are people who don’t like to read self-help books, either by choice or because the busyness of life, they don’t stop and reflect (and by they, I really mean we, because I am guilty as charged) ….This post is for you.

For me, I am guilty of being a true energizer bunny, and my goal is to just keep going and going and going…. Rarely, do I stop and take breath or pause for a moment to reflect.

And you might ask, ‘Don’t you ever sit and think about what you are doing’… yeah, if I make a mistake and feel some type of pain or regret. But unless you’re in a constant flow of pain and regret, you can go weeks and months without looking back and thinking of how you are getting from A to B. This is me. To truly sit back and self-reflect on life, you have to be intentional, not only for yourself, but for those around you.

In the past, I was piling things onto my plate and  avoided this much needed self-reflection. But earlier this year, I found myself complaining and irritable, and I began to question whether I was really happy. I am naturally a glass half-full, extreme optimist, who LOVES Monday. So when it felt like every other sentence out of my mouth was negative, I began to see that it was affecting those around me. I knew something was wrong.  But, I didn’t quite know how to stop my normal way of life.

I was used to it. It was familiar. Unfamiliarity is not cool. Sort of.

But despite my resistance to this idea of changing my natural flow of life, I had enough people around me telling me that I wasn’t crazy, and that maybe a switch-up was exactly what I needed.

So 4 months ago, I significantly reduced my involvement in a lot of things which opened my life up.

More time to write. More time to sleep, and to be quite frank, more time to myself. At first, I didn’t use this time wisely at all. I was still a little reluctant and there was no reflection occurring. I filled it with other things, mindless things, so I thought I was making progress, but I knew that wasn’t my purpose. I quickly reminded myself that I needed to be intentional and do something different that was going to help me.

The purpose was to stop and reflect, and after about 3 months, I finally am getting the swing of more alone time, saying no, and developing new skills. As I began to reflect more, there were some things that I am surprised were going on in my life and others were exactly the way I thought they were.

The biggest area in my life that I needed to take a look at was leadership. And boy, am I learning a lot. I am a big proponent that leadership skills are innate, and that you can’t teach people how to be good leaders. But people can learn how to be better at leading and if they are willing to learn. I think I am natural born leader, but I probably haven’t learned anything new about leading. I needed to have a seat.

As of June 1st, 2016, I hold zero leadership positions for the first time in my life in over 15 years and I am loving every minute. I made this decision back in February when I realized, that for more than 15 years, I was in some capacity leading a group of of youth or adults in some way. I was like I have to stop. I was right, I am following, and learning so much more about being a leader than I have in the last two years.

It is important to learn that although you are capable of leading, allowing others to lead you and absorb their knowledge is a part of the process. If I didn’t stop to smell the roses, I would be missing out on some important nuggets that not only will make me a better leader, but ultimately a better person for those around me. I am learning a couple of other things along the way:

  • Patience – I need more of it
  • Discipline – I need more of it
  • Listening – I need to do more of it

The last point is clearly something that I was vastly aware of. I am always trying to talk less and listen, but taking the time to step back and see how I was behaving. I need to make this a reality, what’s the point of knowing you need to fix something and not improving it. Therefore, I am intentionally listening more.

I noticed that I needed more patience and discipline in almost every area of my life. I needed to build a little stamina in both of these areas to be a little better and a little more productive. Although a product of the millennial generation that is in love with instant gratification, this doesn’t change the fact that some things take time and you have to work hard to achieve your goals.

One goal in particular is becoming healthier. Waiting for pounds and inches to drop is the slowest process known to man. But what is the rush? I find myself trying to cheat or expedite the process, cut corners, only to my detriment. Not only did I realize I needed to improve this about myself, I couldn’t do it alone. I have felt discouraged and down on myself a number of times. The trainers have coached me, encouraged me, and loved on me a little bit, and I have stayed more committed to my health longer than ever before. When I noticed this was happening, I reflected on other areas in my life where I was lacking patience. I was able to connect some of my frustrations and identify one of the root causes to my increased complaining. This reflection has made a big impact my life in this short amount of time. So now I have opened my arms to the process on reflecting my behavior and plan to continue this self-evaluation, discovery and reflection with joy.

Why don’t you join me? Please share your experience with self-reflection.

M/P

America’s Favorite Subject: Me (The Monday Fits)

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“We must especially beware of that small group of selfish men who would clip the wings of the American Eagle in order to feather their own nests” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

This post is obviously about selfishness and it has been in the works for quite a while. I actually originally wrote this blog topic to be called, “The Selfish Side of Minorities… the What about Me Personality”. Then Sandra Bland died, and I kept trying over and over to write about how, we as minorities, can be so selfish when we only look through our lens. This subject matter came to my mind, because of the diversity work I’ve done, and as mistreated as Black people are, many ignore the discrimination that say a person with a disability might experience if it is outside their experience. It’s an argument many people make about minority groups in general that refuse to support other civil rights movements. I honestly felt foolish for writing about minorities being selfish, when you hear the majority complaining about how life is unfair for them with all the focus on race.

Just this past week, in the wonderful state that I live in (Texas), a young Muslim boy was arrested for making a clock that they thought was a bomb. But they didn’t really think it was a bomb, because there was no evacuation AND they admitted knowing that it wasn’t a bomb, BUT arrested him anyway. And then I figured out why I really hadn’t written in almost 3 weeks.

The foolishness is at an all time high! You have presidential candidates supporting a woman who is refusing to do her job, say a felon, who struggles to get a job would love to do. You have the GOP presidential debate “winner” literally making up facts that aren’t true (yes, go fact check Carly Fiorina) – I mean in the age I just don’t understand a. why make up shit b. why others just believe anything out of someone’s mouth. And while everyone was so excited that Obama tweeted to the young Muslim boy about his clock, where were his harsh comments to the school district that racial/ethnically profiled this young boy. Where are the strong words about the behavior? Obama wanted to be seen as a “hero” instead of providing the leadership this country so desperately needs when it comes to race and ethnic relations, but he fails yet again. Why? What’s in it for him?

But despite my frustrations, I have nothing to really complain about. I still live in America. I look at what’s going around the world such as the displaced refugees in Syria. The women and children who are desperately in danger of being raped or molested against their will. Those are real things, real problems. Those people should be crying from the roof top for the world to care about them. But they are too busy trying to survive to really cry out. We are always crying and we pit our struggles against one another regardless if we’re minorities, in the majority, or whoever. And then we want people to have sympathy, fight for our causes, or understand our perspective.

I do believe that people can change their mind on topics or difficult issues, but they do have to be open to them. There are also people about  causes that do not directly affect them. However, I find it hilarious that people support candidates who are completely unaware of their struggle and they act like it.  Donald Trump has done nothing in his career to make you think he’s concerned with the middle class struggle, but that he is concerned with power and money. What most people do, support, or the interest groups they entangle themselves with is really indicative of the kind of person or candidate they will be.

People’s character is really based on who they are when no one is not looking.

Whhat they do before they hit the spotlight, before they run for President is more indicative of who they are and what they will support. I mean it’s okay to be fooled by pretty words, but we shouldn’t be. We should look at these elections from that angle. Remember we are selfish beings, why do we think they somehow are more concerned about our needs. But I did not come here to blog about the elections, again (as tempting as it can be).

I wanted to discuss the Black Lives Matter campaign. Yes. I have no problem with organizing, coming together, and pushing the agenda of stopping the violence against our young black boys and black girls. But the idea that we can convince others that Black Lives Matter, hurts my heart, because in all honesty we can’t. Hence the preceding all Lives Matter rallies that have occurred and now Police Lives Matter movements popping up across the country. It is sad that they feel threatened by the Black Lives Matter movement. That even in this very selfish world, they have tried to convince us that focusing on our black lives is inappropriate. See I was wrong to think, as minorities, we are selfish because we only care about our particular status in this world, and not banding together more often to help with several causes. It is true that we all have a different fight, and if you were born or live in America, this is the country of me. So why is it so upsetting that a Black Lives Matter movement exists, or that over the past year, it has become harder and harder for me to not write about race relations. I know there are other matters going on in the world, and other issues affecting me and those around me, yet it’s what I care about.

It is because I am black, I will always be black, and when I raise my kids, no matter who I marry, they too will be black. There is nothing selfish about being concerned about my black life, my future child’s black life, and most important, my brother’s black life. What is selfish, is that idea that people, who are not black, telling me to not care. What’s worse are the many black men and women of power and influence, who are also telling me not care too. Everyone is pointing their finger to themselves and saying me, me, and me when we need to come together. But I cannot sit around and wait for that, I choose to nurture our children of tomorrow. The fight to convince the other side will never be won, because you cannot convince someone else that YOU matter, but you can teach a young child to remember that they matter, that they matter in the scheme of the whole world and not in their silo. That is what I have decided to do as a concerned citizen, person , and most of all, as an American.  I can longer spend my time writing about something I know is important in hopes that you will understand, because there are more important at stake: Our children, our future.

M/P

Turning the Corner… Fearlessly!

See you in the future

“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” – Walt Disney

I decided to do a blog post link-up this week (click here for more details). Ironically, the topic of the link up fits fairly well into this week’s “The Monday Fits” where I wrote about selling your personal brand to yourself, before you can sell to anyone one else. The irony is that I write about the importance of our generation’s future quite a bit, whether it’s discussing taking risks, pursuing your dreams and chasing waterfalls. My most recent post asked my readers to reflect on what they’re selling to people and whether they believe their own story. So I have been selling to my readers about taking ACTION for their future, so to be asked to evaluate myself in a real way caught me a little off guard. What am I doing, what I am constantly selling to my audience? So with today’s post, I am evaluating myself, and I hope that you take the time do so as well. It is so important that we are intentional with our future

 Topic: WHAT ARE YOU DOING (NOW) TO PREPARE FOR YOUR FUTURE? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD START DOING TO CREATE A BETTER FUTURE FOR YOURSELF?

When thinking about my future, there are so small tasks that I think are necessary to literally do every day to get to the next level, and then there are the big ideas, your vision for the future. This is usually what are dreams are made of and sometimes they can make your stomach turn, because you’re never 100% sure if you will be able to accomplish them. Hence, why the small the tasks are so important to get to the end, they will lead you to the big vision, but it can be hard not to lose focus. So below I listed my long term goals, and what I am (trying) to do each day to prepare for my future.

  1. Being Bold  –  Professionally. This really manifests itself by trusting my gut. In my role at work, I make recommendations by analyzing problems through policy, research and data and look for solutions. Being creative and trying something new, when the evidence supports the idea, is important. But often, people don’t see or understand your vision or idea. So you really have to believe in yourself and not seek others approval.  We can talk ourselves out of taking a risk. I am guilty of it, but I work on it so that one day I may be able to be a fearless leader.  – Long Term Goal: Run a Non-Profit Organization
  2. Saving Money  I have a problem with this thing called self- control and prioritization. Self-control is important now, and not for the next day.  On a day to day basis, I am focusing on spending my money on items that are aligned with my long term goals and not the thing that feels good at the moment.  The main day to day task that I have to do is taking the time to say NO. Sounds simple, but it’s not easy. Denying one’s self today for the benefit for tomorrow is hard. I am an emotional being if you have ever read any of my intense Mondays Fits. Being debt-free allows me to be fearlessly in control of not only my finances, future business financing and financial freedom – Long Term Goal: Being Debt-Free  for business and personal investments
  3. Meaning What I Say Why is this a goal? Because at every job interview, discussion, or questionnaire, when someone asks what is one of my top 3 qualities that are important to me, my first answer is always integrity. In some areas in our lives, having integrity is effortless. In other areas, it takes some real soul searching to keep your integrity intact. But more times than not, its the small white lies or minor excuses that make us lose our integrity. Those small occurrences will turn into big ones if we don’t monitor our behavior. But being a positive role model is important to me and my future. Meaning what I say allows me to be fearless in the example that I set for those around me, who look up to me or those who are having to work an depend on me. – Long Term Goal: Be a good Parent, Role Model, and Co-Worker

Question Numero 2 – Now what should I start doing to create a better future for myself? My initial reaction to this question, is EVERYTHING. But that is clearly not possible or plausible. But I think there is one major thing that I should start doing to create a better future for myself is being able to make mistakes, pick up, and keep it going. It is easy to sit and wallow, and sometimes it is more enjoyable to do so, but allowing the bumps to stop you is the same as not having goals in the first place. If we allow one mistake to slow us down, we will begin to get bogged down, and never make any movement. The other reason I think this is important to start doing this is no one else can teach you how to do this or how to overcome when you want to give up. Those motivations come from within. The only person who can turn the corner fearlessly is YOU!

Your turn!  Answer the questions for yourself, What are doing right (NOW) to prepare for your future? What do you think you should start doing to create a better future for yourself? AND please be sure to check out POSTS from the other bloggers below.

Meg Biram
Liska Monet
26 and Not Counting
soak and simmer
Knowing Kelly
Carrie Loves
Alyssa J Freitas
Manifest Yourself
Rae Loves
White Cabana
The Yuppie Files
Little Wild Heart
Life Modifier
The Not Quite Adult
Random Little Faves
Perfect Enough For Us
Always, Anita
Feathers and Stripes
Something Good
The Golden Letter
Leigh Clair
York Avenue
Sequins & Strawberries
Emilie Lima Burke
with love from ellie
rejoyce
Bite My Fashion
White Oak Creative
StyledbyKesha
xo lacey
Whitney Bangel Blog
always craving
Evann Clingan
Turning the Corner…Fearlessly!
IN THE GREY
Beauty and the Pitch
PRBlonde

The Monday Fits: Episode 4

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right, you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, damned if you don’t” – Eleanor Roosevelt


 

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The art of critiquing and judgement can be mastered by a skillful commentator who can provide insightful instruction that provides positive change in a person, group or an ideal.  However, a critique can be weak and distract the listener if the critique is formed out of jealousy due to one’s personal agenda or insecurity. With that being said, there are a number of concerns going in the world today that are being critiqued, yet if you google news articles about millennials, there are a lot of people with misplaced critiques. I am honestly tired of baby boomers and generation Y’ers making predictions about the millennial generation, MY generation. Many of the things that are being said about Millennials are just wrong. Where to start? Most news articles say that millennials are lazy, soft, self-centered, narcissistic, dumb (er), technology-obsessed, selfie-obsessed, and the me, me, me, me generation. As if we are the only generation with those issues. Now I understand the implication is that we have those issues at a more alarming rate than any generation before us. Let me ask this, a generation that experienced one of the highest unemployment rates ever, is it fair to imply that laziness is one of the main reason our generation is struggling to have jobs?

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And jobs are not the only critique. Since 2012, and as recent as a couple of weeks ago, studies are showing journalists continue to write that millennials are not buying cars, homes, or using credit cards; Millennials are also living at home with her their parents and using public transportation. The articles stem from legitimate concerns that it may be hurting the economy, but, uh, every one of those industries either failed, needed a bailout, or were practicing such shifty behavior that more regulations were created to force them to act fairly; so EXCUSE US for not wanting to purchase or depend on those items as much as our parents. (Because we can all agree that using cash and public transportation, and less credit is really better for so many reasons we will not go into today.)

And the notion that people see millennials living with their parents as a bad thing is just ludicrous. It is true, if you are doing absolutely nothing with your life and living with your parents, that is bad, but a number of millennials, I would go further and say, there are young PROFESSIONALS who live with their family members while saving for a house or getting to the point where they can live on their own. I mean, have these people had a roommate lately? It is not a cakewalk. I would rather live with my  family, before a roommate, and I have never had a bad roommate experience. But if their parents do not care, why should we?

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Luckily, there are a few articles out there, highlighting our better qualities, that we are volunteering more, more involved with civic engagement and voting in elections better than our parents at our age. (Source). Yet, it doesn’t keep the perpetual critique of our generation. In a recent article in the Washingto Post, Catherine Rampell wrote an opinion piece about how millennials cannot afford life milestones that have been established in the past. She states, “We want to move out. We want to own our home. We want to marry. We want to work. The problem is, many of us can’t.” (source). But I would argue that this is okay. One of the number reasons Americans are in too much debt is because they are trying to keep up with Joneses, so why is it a problem that millennials view their current financial status realistically and are not interested in the joneses. Rampbell goes on to say, “America’s young adults have gotten a lot of flak for missing many of the milestones that earlier generations checked off with ease. Perhaps preferences for these kinds of life milestones will eventually change, too, as norms evolve out of economic necessity. But in the meantime, don’t malign millennials for “rejecting” milestones that remain out of their reach.” (source)So the question is, if we are changing the social norms due to economic necessities, are we really afraid of risk, or actually being smart about our current decisions?

Millennials are called lazy and a me, me, me generation partly due to the fact that we were the first wave, of the “reward everyone epidemic”. You know, everyone is special and gets a trophy on awards day, even though some students have done absolutely nothing and may be mediocre in some areas. This ideology does hurt growth in kids, because they are not facing reality and living life slightly sugar coated. According to critics, it is preparing our generation to be less likely to take a risk. Yet, when we decide to do something outside the norm, it is wrong. Did I miss something? Is it not a risk to disagree with the status quo, and reject the path of our parents before us? To not follow the direction of the “wisdom” that contributed to the blunders of 2008?!? By no means, do I believe the previous generations did not accomplish many things, and provide a pathway for us to follow, but the critiques are surrounding cars, houses and credit cards!

Because of 2008, there should be excitement that this current generation is thinking and creating our own solutions, options, and situations differently. The gift that technology has given us, is that we can research and have access to information to fully understand something without necessarily personally experiencing it. This gives us the ability to innovate  and make judgements regarding the things that have happened before us, and that is a good thing, but baby boomers have a big problem with this. Being somewhat of traditionalist, I think the best combination is a mix of tradition and innovation. You cannot live on tradition alone, nor can you live blindly with no acknowledgment of history either.

Malcolm X says, “If you have no critics, you’ll likely have no success”. So to some degree, we are doing something right, to receive such staunch criticism. But if we just look to our political system, on both sides of the aisle, the top leadership that was voted after the mid-term elections have all be in office for over 30 years and refuse to step down and let the younger generations change the world, and that’s where the critique should be fully, but only a few speak up. So I guess Malcolm was right.

M/P