“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.”
― George R.R. Martin
The first Republican debate of this primary election season is over and it was quite a treat. There have been plenty of commentary, memes, and discussion about it. When I asked Republicans how they felt about the debate, it was a mix between a fair analyses of the issues discussed mixed with the blanket, “It was awesome”. Really? Is that all you have to say about a debate that was filled with positive and negatives, is that it was awesome? When I asked some Democrats about the debate, almost every single one just called it awful and exclaimed there were no real issues discussed. And this is when I became utterly annoyed.
Everything about the debate wasn’t awful. But after I took a step back, and thought about it, if it was a democratic primary debate, the responses would probably be the same, but reversed. A few democrats would really decipher through what was discussed, others would just love everything about the damn debate, and then the opposition, Republicans, would hate just about everything that was discussed. This is our reality, and it’s kind of disgusting. We are so easily tied to a group of people, and I just sit back and wonder, do people take a minute to sit back and think about who they really are? What really matters?
So I am kind of a joiner, my friends would like to call me. I have joined a number of organizations in my life time, including a sorority. And if you don’t know about sororities they often have a reputation and most of the women (or fraternity for men) kind of fit into a certain category. And once you’re in one of those, you realize that reputation is true for some women and others are striving oh so hard to be that stereotypical reputation for whatever reason, I do not know. But overall, I have come to learn to that we, yes, us humans, like to be a part of things that define us even if you are in the “anti” crowd. Well, if you’re like me, I don’t let my affiliations define me. It hasn’t always been that way, I by no means am perfect, but if you are like me, and don’t let your affiliations define you, you’re probably as frustrated with America as am I. I don’t consider myself a rebel by any means, but I definitely do not like to be put into a box. But I do think the majority of us like to be put into a box, it makes us feel all good and shiny on the inside. And let’s just assume shiny is a positive word.
Republicans and Democrats alike live in their little box loving their narrow minded view. I heard one candidate from the debate say a little something out of the box, but I don’t think people were really listening. Governor Kasich, maybe I am a little naïve to the marriage question. (That’s right, it’s no longer called same-sex marriage, it’s just called marriage in the U.S.A., but I won’t digress on that topic). He said that although he believes in traditional marriage, he recently attended a friends marriage (who happened to marry the same-sex), and he was there to celebrated love. While there were democrats who doubted his sincerity, what Kasich said isn’t accepted by the majority of either party. Most Republicans (minus us forward thinking Millennials) feel that you cannot believe in traditional marriage and support same-sex marriage in any capacity. Most democrats (minus conservative thinking liberals) that you can support same-sex marriage unless you believe people are born that way. Now let me tell you something, that’s just stupid. What’s the point of having America with different religions, viewpoints, and perspectives, if people can’t, I don’t know, have them. What’s crazier than a Black Female Republican, is a Republican Muslim. I don’t know about you, but I stopped in the middle of the debate, and asked “Is there separation of church and state anymore or did I miss the memo?, well you couldn’t tell in the debate. It might as well have been moderated by Franklin Graham.
Now, I might not sound like a conservative, but I am kind of angry, out of all of these issues that we are talking about, people are failing to discuss that major problem in this country. Poverty. Wealth Inequality, and if you want to invoke the name of Jesus Christ, look in the bible and how many times does he mention, or the bible in general squarely, boldly, and PLAINLY talk about helping the poor, it beats every other f*cking political topic every single time. Like EVERY SINGLE time. I am not one to be hypocritical, some one’s beliefs does matter to me. But if we are going to invoke all of this spiritual-ness into our political world, then we should be more honest about it and not simply serving our purpose cause that’s what this is all really about. People are saying and doing what they want to for whatever purpose they need.
Since I am talking about fitting into roles, I want to talk about Ben Carson comments about race and the reason he is in error. I am glad that he looks past the color of people’s skin, I do too. But to imply that for some reason black people are the reason we are in a race war, is an insult to every black person in America. Sound extreme?
Since the recent deaths of young black men and women, oh wait, let me rephrase, unarmed black men and women, I had to evaluate whether I was out of touch, I am sure I have friends who are surprised by recent interest in race, but there is ONE reality, when I walk out this house and am on the street, no one cares if I am a conservative, that I never have broken a law or committed a crime, never smoked or done any illicit drugs in my life, never had an abortion, or anything that else that makes me “good”. But I know if I go in the wrong part of a small town or make the wrong move, the only thing that will matter is my blackness. Luckily, Ben Carson doesn’t have to experience this fear as a neurosurgeon that most black Americans do. He wants to be so accepted by the Republican Party so bad that he is willing to sacrifice the reality for so many people who actually look and talk just like him. To some extent he was right, we don’t NEED to get into a race war, cause we are already in one. But it’s okay Ben Carson is being used by the people who support this ideology. Ben Carson finished 3rd in the debate based on some polling. Many Republicans commentators are surprised, because he didn’t get to say much. Well, that’s because he’s portraying a false reality in America that people want to cling so hard to. The reality is people are STILL being judged by the color of the skin, and Ben Carson can deny this reality to try to win an election. Instead of doing the right thing.
I might not know exactly who I am, because I am still growing, still changing, and trying to be better each and every day. But I know who I am not, who I will never be. I don’t have time to make decisions to fit into a mold, even if I make mistakes, it will be my mistake and I will own it every time, and it will be worth it. So let me rephrase that, I know exactly who I am, and I hope it only it gets better. More real, and less fake and hypocritical, day by day.
Looking Through Her Lens (My Thoughts on LEMONADE)
“In the perspective of every person lies a lens through which we may better understand ourselves”- Ellen Langer
So I know that you have already read a number of articles about Beyoncé and Lemonade and I am sorry to add to your list, but I guess I am sorry not sorry. Because I will tell you… it wasn’t easy to decide what to write about, there were several angles to come at this piece. I read several articles about this and that, about infidelity and Jay-Z, Black women empowerment, feminism and even that Beyoncé is no role model based on her lyrics (and there were some questionable lyrics), but I am sure they had some purpose, for HER. And this makes sense, as with a movie, a good book, or album, people can watch, read or listen to the exact same thing and walk away with a complete different interpretation. But let’s be clear the whole album is for Beyoncé, and certain parts are for our enjoyment.
I believe this is true for any real artist, and I am sure there are people who think Beyoncé is a manufactured robot whose sole purpose in life is to brainwash and make millions. But for the purpose of this post and my satisfaction, I am writing from the viewpoint that Beyoncé is an artist and she paid top dollar for her writers to construct the lyrics to match her visual masterpiece that is LEMONADE. (I would say it’s not a masterpiece musically because just listening to the tracks it is not her best, but we can debate that at a later time.)
So as I sat down, I was trying to be polite with my thoughts, but I felt pretty strong about some comments and critiques such as the following, as tweeted by Azealia Bank’s herself.
Exhibit A – “You keep crying over a man and perpetuating that sad black female sufferance and it’s not good for what we’re trying to accomplish here”
Exhibit B – “You been singing about this n****a for years and he still playing you. That’s not strength, that’s stupidity”
Just stop.
Azealia’s tweets are coupled with several comments of sarcasm that I heard from others, such as “poor ole Beyoncé singing the blues”, “oh, her life must be so hard” –
Seriously?
Okay, look, no one is saying that Beyoncé’s life is hard, but does that mean she can’t talk about the issues that she is having with Jay-Z. Azealia’s tweets and those comments completely miss the complexity of the role of women in the 21st century. When you have to balance a husband, kids and a career. The reason more women, of all races and ages, loved it, is that Beyoncé struggled (and is struggling) with the same shit as we all do and she is the “baddest bitch in the game”. But her being the baddest doesn’t change the fact that a man can (and probably will) betray your trust whether it is infidelity or something monetary or when something equally intimate is taken for granted. There are so many ways to be betrayed.
The reality is that our families, especially our significant others or our companions, deeply influence our everyday life and it’s hard. So to invalidate her feminism “cred” because she opens up about her struggles with a lying (maybe cheating) husband is like the opposite of feminism.
We, as group of people, who support the political, social, and economic equality of women, cannot be upset or frustrated that Beyoncé felt betrayed and felt the need to make music about it. For centuries, women have had to fight with decision of staying or leaving, heck, probably a few millennia! I mean who could forget how Adam was quick to throw shade in the Garden of Eden because Eve gave him the piece of fruit that caused him to sin:
See, men have been making excuses since the beginning of time. That isn’t changing.
So as a 30 year old woman with friends at different stages of their romantic life: single, married for years, newlyweds, divorcees, and even windows, regardless of whether they are successful professionally, or kick ass mothers, their relationships are a priority, so why would it be different for Beyoncé? Not for one second, would I agree with the critiques about HOW anti-feministic it is that she is whining and crying about her husband cheating. I mean I guess she could be quiet, and be damned nonetheless like Hillary Clinton, who stayed extremely quiet about Bill’s infidelity and her struggles until recently during her campaign and people have always talked about her silence. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
The reality is not about whether Beyoncé is weak or not, but we are actually uncomfortable with the honestly of Beyoncé’s album. Even for people who liked and admired it. It makes us all a little uncomfortable, in this male dominated world, that Beyoncé felt that she:
I didn’t walk away from Beyoncé ‘s album with a sad black suffrage vibe, did you? I kind of felt like it was more along these lines:
Life is hard.
Love is hard.
Money, fame, and beauty doesn’t make life easier.
That is really what she is trying to say in between her anger. The first thing I really thought about when I finished the album, was whether it was therapeutic for her? Was it part of her healing and recovery? Not to mention a lyrical guide for all the other women who are dealing with similar issues in their marriages, maybe Beyoncé wanted to bring them some comfort to her struggles. To be silent no more, and talk about how crazy she felt about her situation.
But in reality, we just saw misery, the heartache was so appetizing, especially when it’s not our own, and let it be a celebrity. We were less concerned what it meant for Beyoncé and the fact that we should be happy that we got to witness it.
So you can think she has nothing to complain about, but I think it doesn’t matter how perfect we want life to be, it will never be, and when life is falling apart, you find out – some people will revel in it, shame you for your life falling apart, and only a few will support you in it. But you will have to walk through that journey step by step nevertheless. No one can escape it including Beyoncé .
In closing, if Beyoncé can’t talk about Feminism and she can’t talk about Black Lives Matter, what makes her unfit to talk about relationships? To often she is seen and not heard, and when she decided to share her voice candidly about her man, in a male-dominated world, it wasn’t just the men who had a problem. It was women speaking much louder as if we all don’t struggle with feeling appreciated, loved, and supported. Even the BEST man will let you down at least once. Because we are human, and no one is perfect. So stop acting like you didn’t see a little of yourself through Beyoncé’s lens.
Stop trying to brush the shame under the rug. Embrace it, and move on.
M/P
1 Comment
Posted in Current Events, Gender, Marriage, Psychology, Sex, Social Commentary, Social Media, Women
Tagged Beyonce, Fidelity, Lemonade, Love, Men, Relationships, Women