Missing Perspective

What I am about to say may be coming from left field, and I may be totally out of the ballpark, but I just have a bone to pick and mostly with my fellow ladies. I wrote about Bill Cosby about 4 weeks ago, (click: here ), at the time, the allegations against Mr. Cosby felt like pure speculation.  But one thing that always puzzles me is when people say, “If the allegations were true,  they would have come forward sooner?”

If you read the allegations, the details were so similar and particular to the point, why would someone make this up, but I understand, if they were true, why they wouldn’t come forward.  Bill Cosby would either have not be prosecuted or based on the details, any jury probably would have returned a not guilty verdict. The details surrounding being drugged adds a certain  fuzziness to the story that can’t be overcome. Therefore, it makes sense why some of these women did not come forward during the statute of limitations. Why accuse Bill Cosby when there’s not enough evidence to prove it, because they would be treated the exact same way they are being treated right now! Earl Ofari Hutchinson from the Huffington post summarizes this point well, “Cosby is the classic textbook example of how men who are alleged to commit rape routinely get away with it. Contrary to the non-stop slanders of his accusers, some did go to the police, attorneys, and their agents at the time he allegedly victimized them. But they quickly ran up against the wall of suspicion, indifference, and flat-out contempt and blame. Decades later when they again came forth little had changed. They have been hit with the same wall of suspicion, ridicule, snickers, and even wisecracks about their motives and morals.” (source). See, so don’t give me the, “since they didn’t come out immediately” it is not true. Most people would not believe them whenever they came out, before and now.

Now, I am a huge Bill Cosby fan, so a part of me still wants to believe this is all a dream. As the weeks have past, there has been more allegations, questionable information, and with Cosby’s silence, it makes it harder and harder for people, for me, to view Mr. Cosby in such a favorable light while others have a blind allegiance to him; and that’s my problem. We expect too much out of people who get paid to act, and in all fairness, to be a LIARs of sorts. Bill Cosby is not Cliff Huxtable, whether the allegations are true or not true, the character he played should not dictate real life. There is a part of us that believes, how could a man play such a wonderful family man, and not believe in the ideals, or he himself, be a family man. Give.me. a. break.people.

As that’s the problem I have with some of the responses by women and their defense of Bill Cosby and the condemnation of the women accusers. Just two years ago, we had a bunch of politicians, who were ALL men, who wrongfully talked about rape in very public settings, and each one of their political races ended tumultuously, because at the end of the day, they were talking about something they knew very little about, and were quick to make statements and give judgements about a very fragile topic thats happens to both men and women, but disproportionately to us ladies.

So for my ladies, I have been disappointed. I’ve read a lot of posts, that say, “You all still support Bill Clinton” , SNL jokingly compared him to “Kramer” (not funny, SNL), I even had someone from my alma mater, Tuskegee University go as far to defend Cosby by comparing the situation of the Founder of Tuskegee, Booker T. Washington, who was suspected to have died with a venereal disease among other suspicious actions. The comparison indicated do we think any less of Booker T, because of this information? Now, I am going to say this once:

Men who cheat, are sexually promiscuous, solicit prostitutes, womanizers, even chauvinistic pigs aren’t rapists. Rape is serious, and when men are so casual about it, it’s one thing, but it’s not okay when fellow women are so quick to brush it aside, and blame the female.  This is my opinion the true WAR ON WOMEN, we are fighting ourselves. ( I understand men are raped as well, but for the purposes of this post I’m talking to women). When I wrote my article previously, I would compare Bill Cosby ( if the allegations were true) to R-Kelly and Jerry Sandusky. We are talking about rape and it’s so much more serious, and then just a man who can’t keep “it” in his pants or only in his wife. I have no doubt that Bill Clinton might have preyed on Monica Lewinsky, but ultimately she made the hard choice many young women face, but she wasn’t forced. Paula Jones, say her allegations are all true, and Bill propositioned and exposed himself, she did walk out traumatized, I’m sure,  but he didn’t force himself on her and rape her.

So what do I think should happen when women hear about a woman who cries rape from a celebrity, just do nothing. You can love your celebrity or sports star without foolishly condemning a women if the situation were true or false, the reality is that there is a possibility she experienced something very traumatic that you hope you never have to experience. Why do women always support the man in a situation is our problem. It is why thousands of young girls, across the country continue to be raped on our college campuses, and the young men are going away scott free.

I look at the two sport stars in Kobe Bryant and Ben Roethlisberger. My bias in reading the allegations, I am more inclined to believe the allegations that were made against Ben are true, than Kobe Bryant. But when Kobe’s trial was going on would I have thought to bash the women victim, no, I just don’t get it. We talk about wanting to break glass ceilings, and people say we need to learn how to “Lean In”, maybe we’re having trouble, because we have a cowardice about ourselves. That somewhere in our psyche, we place men on pedestals who don’t deserve them. Of course the women who cries rape must be a promiscuous, money grabbing whore, versus being at the wrong place, at the wrong time. Why can we not think more  of ourselves. In each women accuser, I look inside and think what if it was me, before I immediately bash, maybe you should try it too.

Now Bill Clinton was accused of raping at least one young lady, during his early days as the Attorney General, and settled the case out of court.  Bill Cosby has been accused of rape 13 times, and still refuses to speak on it. Until he is man enough to come out, defend himself and deny the allegations, I would never call any of the accusers liars, because as a women they have exhibited a courage that I hope I never have to experience. Yet, many of the women have done just that, and they wonder why feminism still needs to exist, we  view ourselves as the weaker sex, and I have a problem with that.